7am flight to Auckland. Cab into centre city, making it just in time for the 9am meeting. Quick coffee after the meeting then cab back to the airport and back to Napier. Sitting back at my desk by 3.

But anyway, I know no one really cares about such things. My real reason for dusting off the old blog was to post a couple of friggen hilarious pic that I just found.

And another goodie…

Now, for all of you who have spent far too much time on the internet and delved into the world of chat rooms, have a laugh at OhMy!gle. It’s friggen gold!

Anyways, enough boredom for one night. Enjoy!

The post It feels inherently wrong… appeared first on Random Insanity.

The professor told his class one day. “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will then email your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.

Your partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely no talking outside of the emails and anything you wish to say must be written in the email. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his students, Rebecca and Gary.

—-

The Story:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the questions.

(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advanced Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an airheaded asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalising the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored here. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her form her sense of innocent wonder at the all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocents to become a woman?” she wondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peacenicks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenceless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on  course for Earth, carrying enough fire-power to pulverise the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his tip-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor of the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporised poor , stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centred tedious neurotic! whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA???! Oh no, WHAT AM I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!”

(Rebecca)
A**hole

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F**K YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea – whore.

(Teacher)
A+ ……. I really liked this one.

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Battery: 0%

10pm. 527548 events logged by Snort since 7pm last night (the last database purge). The vast majority of those was during office hours today; not surprising given the general peak traffic time on the network. Snorby is holding up well although ruby seems to consume a lot of resources, and I managed to crash the server by using the email a report function (it tried to run an SQL query that was over 4.8 MILLION characters long – 2 hours at max system resources and it finally tipped over). Other than that all is looking good.

Pretty shattered after staying up until after midnight toying with sensor rules, bed time soon. But thought I’d share some humour to help get you all through Friday.

A Short Story

And a little motivation…

Motivation

Just remember…

Effort

So have a fun Friday one and all. Roll on caterday!!!

Time Portal to Caterday

The post Thursday, 10pm. appeared first on Random Insanity.

The post Just a small reality check. Happy Monday all! appeared first on Random Insanity.

Black Out

The other day I was going through some old files looking for something and came across a s**tload of pics and stuff that I’d collected over the years and used to be on one of my old websites. So, instead of uploading things in gallery fashion as they were I thought I’d post a few every now and then as I felt motivated.

So far, I’ve decided on a few obvious categories but I’m sure the list will grow. There’s everything from politically incorrect, to down right rude. The intent is not to offend, it’s all just a laugh. These pic’s come from all over the place, collected over years: if there is anything that belongs to you and you want it taken down, let me know – I make no claim of ownership of any of this stuff.

Here’s a few to set the mood and start the project off. =P

Babies: Nutritional Facts...

... no comment.

Possibly not the best advertising to have on the page... =/

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User Fail

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Epic Facebook Fail - What more can be said?

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